dear brothers and sisters

Purl

2012-01-11T23:11:00.001-05:00

This weekend, I fell in love. Purl is her name, adorable is her game. She was found by a friend all alone out in the cold, but she lives with us now and is showered with love, food, and warmth. She's a wee month old, and I'm pretty excited to watch her grow. (Though, I wouldn't mind it one bit if she stayed this tiny forever.)
As with any new love, there's an obsession stage, and I'm smack in the middle of it. It feels so comfortable and natural to take care of her; my heart swells at the mere thought of her. Oh how she must have suffered before coming here! But she's a tough little girl, and has adapted well to life with a knitter. I found her this morning curled up in one of my knitting baskets, her head nestled into some yarn.
Adorable, my little Purl.

And so it begins

2012-01-01T14:24:00.001-05:00

2012, I welcome you with open arms.
365 days ago, I was at an Urgent Care clinic, suffering from strep throat. It was a pretty miserable way to begin 2011.
Today I woke slowly to an uncommonly warm, sunny day, and I sneaked out to get bagels and coffee for B and I. We lounged and read the paper, luxuries we rarely afford ourselves together. It was a pretty perfect way to begin 2012.
The clouds have now rolled in, and the wind has its usual winter chill again. The afternoon for me holds a little baking at the restaurant, a little housework, and hopefully time to make this cozy treat.
A good year is to come.

Doing away with the "f" word.

2011-07-15T14:29:00.003-04:00

A little peek at the project I'm working on. It's slow, careful, purposeful knitting. I resisted at first, it was daunting and frustrating (and it surely will continue to be), but I've slowly come to depend on the challenge. To crave it. Seeing the small details take shape keeps the momentum moving forward. Looking back on the hurdle, I can say I always knew I could jump it. But while it still lay ahead, the tall road-block becomes a symbol for the doubt and fear that keep me from moving forward.
Elide Endreson's wise words here have been on my mind a bit lately. I have a large bin full of knitting projects that are unfinished. Some I've lost interest in, put down to move on to new, more exciting ventures. Some haven't worked the way I intended, and need a little re-assessment. Some are even projects that are fully knit and I just have to sew a few seams and weave in the tails. Whatever the reason, their fate is the same. Buried in a closet to be forgotten.
In physics, the ideal work output is that which is greater than the energy used to create the work. But in a creative endeavor, can we reasonably expect the same ideal? So much of our energy goes into the creation, from inception to completion, the ideal work output seems unlikely, however great our product is.
I've always loved knitting more than I love the knitted object, and I think that's an important distinction, one I need to remind myself of sometimes. The finished product is not why I knit, so I don't need it to be greater than the energy I used to create it. But when thinking of the bin in my closet, I see only products that were never finished. I need to shift the focus a little. Maybe it will help if I see not the sweater that's only half-made, but how bored I was while making it. Not the one sock that will never have a mate, but how I changed the pattern a bit without taking notes, and I'll never achieve a matching result. If my enjoyment comes in the process, then my failures are also in the process. The forgotten bin can stop being a burdening symbol of failure, and simply be a collection of processes I didn't enjoy, and therefore a large stock of yarn that I can re-purpose.
Now, off, not to the bin, that will come later, but to the charcoal lace. The process is still quite alluring to me right now.

The full swing of summer.

2011-06-30T16:26:00.001-04:00

I've been caught in a whirlwind of summer. Sunny day road trips, picking fresh strawberries, a lovely grey houseguest for the week, bread-baking and baklava lessons with a friend I see far too little, long walks through this small city with the recently-returned B. It is, indeed, summer.

A new project is on the needles, something completely different from the mindless dishcloths. I'm swatching up a storm with lace. It's a different way of knitting, one I'm struggling to find the pleasure in. But, I'm persevering in the hopes that it will soon become natural and less cumbersome and riddled with mistakes. I love the results too much to give up just yet. I dream in vintage lace motifs, and charts, and all the possibilities of a simple YO here and a SSK there.

This new concentration on knitting brings balance just when I need it; I'd likely float away on one of our walks without it.

Cozy and sweet.

2011-06-03T09:00:00.005-04:00

My presence in the world has been a bit sparse lately. It was a long winter that had a heavier than usual affect on me. But, spring is finally in full swing, and the sun is out. I couldn't help but steal a few bunches of lilacs from a bush in my building's courtyard to bring a bit of that lovely sweet scent inside. It's intoxicating.
B has gone to Israel again for a few weeks. I find myself, I hesitate to admit, getting used to his long absences. It feels nice to have the break from routine; I'm inspired to make all kinds of little changes while he's gone. I've taken this time to rearrange the apartment, to paint old furniture and frames. To nest.
I've lately been knitting easy, small things. I've been latching on to color, obsessed with variegated yarns, loving how watching the color change makes me knit faster and for longer. Dishcloths made from Lily's Sugar 'n Cream line have been the perfect outlet for my color-love lately. They're fast, mindless, and easy to giveaway to wanton friends and family.
I've also been working on knitting covers for my tattered old throw pillows, something that's been on my project list for far too long. It's slow-going, but gratifying, mixing classic cabled pillows with some with bolder geometric designs.
I have Salted Pistachio Brownies baking in the oven, and Oatmeal Cherry Cookies on a rack cooling.
I'd say things are going at a just about perfect pace.
K

In with the new.

2011-01-03T14:07:00.002-05:00

The start has always been a point of struggle for me. Where's the best place for my first step down a path? What will be the most concise? The most efficient? The least burdensome on others? The most enjoyable? The BEST? These questions, and more, plague me. From deciding what to do when I first wake up in the morning, to trying to begin an over-due blog post, to wondering how to rekindle lost friendships, to deciding what to make for dinner, to figuring out what I want to do this year, and where I want to do it. The insecurity of the outcome makes starting damn near impossible. But, as it seems, the beginning of this new calendar year provides a good time to do away with all that and just simply start.
Start letting go more, acknowledging my own limitations and others' abilities. Start cooking dinner more often (instead of eating food in the evening and calling it dinner). Start believing that it's okay that I don't know what will happen this year; no one else does either. Start maintaining my empty-for-years etsy shop. Start (and finish) knitting a pair of socks. And a sweater. Start entertaining friends more; parties are great. Start treating my body like the amazing, balanced, delicate machine it is instead of taking it for granted.
Start starting more.
I've never been one for such specific, documented resolutions. But, it seems right to me now.
And in that direction, I will go.
Happy New Year.
K

Another show comes to a close.

2010-12-10T14:31:00.000-05:00

After a few days' rest and recuperation, I'm still reeling from another wonderful Second Storie weekend. Even though my annual post-Thanksgiving cold had settled in a little harder then usual, and I was a bit achy and fuzzy during the market, I had a great time seeing old friends and making new ones.
I had the pleasure of sharing a table with the darling Elide of Previously. The detail and thought that goes into each vintage-inspired garter and hair pin she makes is awesome and humbling. And getting to chat with her throughout the day, that was pretty awesome, too.
I never seem to get around to take as many pictures as I'd like, and as usual, the weekend was over in a flash. I ran around quickly during some downtime on Sunday taking some shots of the market from afar, and luckily, others have been much better than me at capturing some more detail. Go here, here, here and here for some really great photos and some really, really kind words.

I have a little more recovering to do, and I'm enjoying the lack of urgency. The only things bearing down on me are my eagerness to bake some cookies using the delightful new addition to my kitchen (thank you, Shanna), and the need package up and send off my contributions to the 2010 Holiday Ornament Swap.
Both are enjoyable and just the right pace for a sick, tired gal.

A quick peek

2010-11-19T08:30:00.000-05:00

I've been Fair-Isling up a storm lately, and I'm super excited about it. This is a quick little look at some works-in-progress. I'll have these holiday pillows and ornaments at our upcoming Indie Market, and I can't wait! It's been a while since I've been swept away with Holiday Fever, but I feel it setting, and I'm happy to share!
Keep up with second storie's blog to see what other awesome wares you'll find there next weekend!
In the meantime, I'm super busy preparing for the show. We want it to be just perfect for all of our vendors and friends.
So, I'm off to do some knitting, some sewing, some baking.
Some life.
K

Autumn in (upstate) New York

2010-10-12T22:43:00.008-04:00

With friends up from Brooklyn this weekend, I took a small break to enjoy some autumn. We picked (and ate) many apples on a beautiful, sunny Sunday. And on the way home, we happened upon a soapbox derby. It was a pretty good weekend.

Inspiration

2010-10-09T09:32:00.005-04:00

As usual, I find myself right around the corner from our Indie Market and I've hardly noticed the time slipping away. The autumn has come, distracting me with its beautiful blue skies and crunchy walks. B is still away, distracting me with an empty home. Amidst all of this, my needles have remained fairly inactive. Or, I should say, uninspired. Each project and idea I put to them has finished (or not, in many cases) with something lacking. And the passion I usually have to work through the bumps and troubles is hard to find. My heart is elsewhere.
I'm now at a crossroads. Push through and have faith that I will find my missing inspiration? Or admit a small defeat and focus my energies on making a stellar show for the rest of our vendors?
This weekend I will host a couple of houseguests. Old friends who are never short on wisdom, inspiration, and laughter. I look forward to seeing them, however briefly.
And I look forward to a clearer head.

A new dawn, a new day...

2010-09-23T12:00:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling a little out of control lately. Affected by change left and right, but none of my own doing. I've just been an unwitting part of the wake.
So, to help myself stay afloat in these choppy waters, I aggressively re-arranged my entire apartment recently. Almost every piece of furniture has a new home, and for many, a new purpose.
We have a kitchen table, again, and I'm so happy for that. I can't wait for B and I to have dinner there. It's small and simple; perfect for us.
And, in a few days, I will acquire a bed for our spare room, which has me giddy. I don't mind sharing a little "studio" space to be able to offer a cozy spot to a guest. Anyone up for a sleepover?
It has been wonderful feeling to wake up in the mornings and start my days in this beautiful, fresh space, and I still get excited to come home in the evenings. It's amazing how a few simple changes to my space have given me a super-charged boost. Rearranging my bedroom was a favorite pastime of mine as a child, and it's reassuring to know the same feelings apply as an adult.
I'm off now to enjoy my space a bit, to bake molasses cookies (to try to convince a friend that not all vegan baked goods are terrible), and to help a good friend's 31st birthday be a little more awesome.
I'm feeling good.
K

All at the same time.

2010-09-03T08:15:00.006-04:00

I've been stuck in a whirlwind. Change has been coming from every direction, and I'm spinning all around. And with H.M. gone, it's all that much more unfamiliar.
But, I found a small bit of peace this afternoon during my lunch break. Work has been anything but calm lately, but a short walk along the wooded path that runs beside an old Erie Canal lock just behind my building offered a bit of respite. The warm breeze was a perfect compliment to the bright sun, and a perfect escape for me.
I love this time of year. There are already a few leaves crunching underfoot, yet quite a few bees are hovering around the still-blooming Queen Anne's lace, just beside bunches of dried and brown blooms. There's so much going on, so much overlapping of life and decay. So much change.

It is a good reminder to me that it's okay that everything is changing. Change keeps balance.

Happy Weekend.

Some bits of happiness.

2010-08-20T18:00:00.000-04:00

We took our breakfast to go, and ate in the woods, among the birds and deer.
It was as lovely a way to say goodbye as there is.
Some sunflowers to cheer me up. I'm mesmerized by their spiral centers.
A clean house, a full pantry, wonderful friends, and a head full of ideas and patterns.
I think these next few months will go by quickly.
And happily.

It's Time!

2010-08-09T10:59:00.006-04:00

We at Second Storie announced today our Vendor List for 2010's indie market, and we must say, we think it's pretty great!!!
Here's a look at some of our newest vendors, and you can check out the whole awesome list here.

Left to right from top:
Cecelia Hayes, Previously
Humunku, Sweetie Pie Press
Harriot Grace, Paperdoll Woodshop
The Great Lakes, Sara Silvio
Red Prairie Press, Bookhou

Getting By

2010-08-08T09:30:00.005-04:00

As H.M. prepares to leave (for 2-3 months), I prepare to be alone in this space of ours. He will be back home in Israel, visiting with family, friends, and hoping for some respite from his blues here.* I hope for the same as I stay here.
I have been spending time in the kitchen. Baking bread, enjoying the meditation of kneading by hand. Using the last of the fresh cherries for a cinnamon-cherry tart, loving the dark stains left on my fingers.
Taking a break from the once-meditative-but-now-grueling baby blanket, I cabled up a sleeve for my new computer. It felt so good to work in thick yarn and marvel at the speed. Next up, some swatching for what I hope to be a new line of items for my etsy shop (what's that? I have an etsy shop? Why, yes, I do. I'd almost forgotten!) and for our second storie} indie market this year. (The announcement of our vendor list will be here tomorrow. It's pretty awesome.)

Today, with the sun and blue skies poking through the white fluffy clouds, I wonder if I will find my enthusiasm again. It's been missing lately. My head has been with me in the kitchen pitting cherries, and with my fingers as I knit, but my heart has been distant. A little hesitant.
Perhaps this is just the emotional equivalent of the calm before the storm. My emotions are still and quiet, knowing that soon there will be a fury of sadness when H.M. leaves.
Today, though, has promise, beginning with fresh bread, toasted with jam, and a cup of tea.

*I should mention that most of what he will be doing back in Israel is work-related, and that he's not going on a 2-3 month vacation without me. I need to keep reminding myself of this.

Grey morning, Bright afternoon

2010-07-19T11:39:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning to grey skies outside the window, and quietness inside. A slow, internal morning.
H.M. and I spent a long time together yesterday, laying in the grass, brushing the tickling ants off from our arms and feet, talking and dreaming about what's to come. We dream of land. Of a horse named Esteban. Of freshly lain eggs. Of fruit trees {and the consequent jars of jam} and an endless garden. Of mountains in the distance. Of a comforting, creaking old house, filled with love beyond the two of us... The more we have this talk, the more real it becomes.
{sigh}
Yet, here I am now, in my tall apartment above a small city, trying to figure out how and when my now and then will connect. And if.

This afternoon's mail brought a lovely, unexpected, and perfect package from a friend who always knows when I need a little sunshine and love. A little dose of reality. And the sun has begun to peak out from the grey clouds.

A little Monday post

2010-07-12T18:47:00.000-04:00

My space is filled with intoxicating aromas...
Banana bread, a warm breeze from the river, H.M. home early from work, just-watered herbs, this small city settling into evening, the faint trace of soap transferred from my hands into my yarn as I knit a baby blanket.
It is good.
It is a signal to me that I might, for a time, be on the upswing of feeling sorry for myself. I've decided to put all of those big little things that have taken over me of late onto the back burner. Let it simmer there for a bit, while I focus on some sweeter things, like cinnamon walnut bread, and peanut butter granola bars.
Consider it a conscious turn of direction, towards happy.

After a long weekend.

2010-07-06T08:43:00.006-04:00

I would love to be posting pictures along with this post. Pictures of my perfect day yesterday, walking through a creek, sitting and playing and laughing in the waterfalls. Pictures of some fireworks from Sunday night. Pictures of my life that I've been enjoying a bit more lately.
But, as I was frolicking and giggling in the waterfalls with my friend and her daughter, wishing I had grabbed my camera out of my totebag, someone else was doing just that: grabbing my camera out of my totebag.
Yes, I am mad. And sad. And full of fist-shaking disdain and brow-furrowing disappointment for those who have in them the thought to take advantage of such an opportunity.
But, more than all of that, I'm focused on how my friend, without thought, got her Nancy Drew on and ran off to try to catch the robbers. (And how earlier in the day, this same friend came to the rescue of an injured hiker, again, without hesitation.) And how I spent that time letting her daughter paint on me with mud, genuinely laughing, forgetting for a moment or two what was happening. And how Dear Old Sis reminded me that I've wanted to get a better camera anyways, and what a perfect time with my birthday not too far off. And how H.M. has a non-condescending way of reminding me that these things simply happen sometimes, and they can ruin your hour, but shouldn't ruin your day.
So, you who now has my camera, I hope you're enjoying all those pictures of my beautiful Sis, and of my happy weekend with friends and family, if only for a moment before you erase them and move on to take pictures of your own darker life. I will continue to be happy to know that when I am on a walk in the woods and see a totebag resting against a tree and hear laughter around the bend, my thoughts go to how good of a time the owner is having, and never to what I can take from it.
And I'm happy that my friends will always be there to bask in the brighter side with me.

Interim

2010-07-01T09:01:00.005-04:00

I recently heard some delightful news of my childhood best friend. She's going to be a mother. Though we've really only kept in touch through our parents, I immediately started swatching ideas for a baby blanket. I've settled on a simple seed stitch with a ribbed border, in an oatmeal colored soy-based yarn. Classic.
I'm really looking forward to a few days of simple knitting, freeing my clogged mind for what's to come.
Happy Weekend!

An unsure day, full of sure things.

2010-06-28T12:51:00.004-04:00

What is to come? I don't really want to know.
But I could use a little reassurance right now. Just a sneak peek at the future worth of my current patience.

But, instead of impatiently pining for the unknown, I will simply continue my day, continue deciding the simple things. I will make lemonade. I will organize the "to donate" pile of clothes. I will have tea this afternoon, with a movie and a pair of knitting needles. I will decide between artichoke ravioli and leftover Thai food for dinner.

I will stave off restlessness for one more day, knowing that it will all be okay, it just might take a while. I will be patient.

A rainy day post

2010-06-06T12:47:00.005-04:00

Plaid Tea Cozies
Vegetable Knitting Patterns
Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Get up early to go to the Farmer's Market before the crowds.
Have another cup of tea.

You are loved.
It will be okay.

A long time ago...

2010-05-16T21:08:00.002-04:00

I started writing in this small space. And, then I stopped.
My curiosities and interests are always waning and waxing, coming and going, ahead and behind. And varied. I've found comfort in measuring, mixing, tasting, baking since I was old enough to stay home without a babysitter, just a big sister. And since the time many years ago that I plowed through the beginning frustrations of knitting and the stitches finally fell into place and my fingers found the rhythm, I've rarely been without at least two projects on pairs of needles scattered about, and one or two more in my head. I'm currently learning what it means to keep houseplants not just alive, but thriving. I've now turned into a nursery of sorts for friend's sick plants. And they do very well here, though I'm sure it's less me than it is the immense windows, and therefore the immense amounts of sunshine.
But throughout these loves, and their many incarnations before, and the many more to come, I've had one constant. My love for words. Of words, in words, about words. It's been so much a part of me that I rarely take notice anymore when I arrange the monotony of my daily motions into grand prose in my mind. Making the mundane beautiful, or the beautiful mundane. Arranging, re-arranging, perfecting the placement and intent of each syllable. Reveling in a particularly striking combination, the words finding a rhythm not uncommon to the rhythm of my fingers as they weave a yarn in and out, up and down.
I rarely write, though. Journals remain half-full, at best. Letters die away before the cover comes off from my typewriter. This space, seeming so perfect to me at the start, remains dusty and unkempt. Neglected.
I do not fancy myself a writer. I do not believe that my story is any more worth telling than any other, probably less. It is the crafting of the verse that holds my heart and mind captive. As it is the pulling of the yarn through a loop that I enjoy most about knitting, not wearing the scarf; the kneading of bread that I love, rarely the tasty treat waiting at the end.
And what to do with this love of process and almost disdain for product? Write about it.
K

2009-12-24T11:21:00.005-05:00

The "spirit" took a while to find me this year. But with some thoughtful donations in honor of friends and family, and with much time in the kitchen, I've begun to feel it settle in.
My time spent baking has made me increasingly happy, but is just about to come to an end, leaving me
a little time to myself this afternoon before the family celebrations begin tonight, and continue through the weekend.
Happy Holidays!
Karen

2009-12-02T19:04:00.005-05:00

Second Storie's Indie Market 2009 has come to a close. I'm still spinning from the weekend. It was, by far, our most successful show yet. I'm so grateful to everyone who joined us this year. Our vendors were beyond spectacular, and we couldn't have hoped for better crowds coming to shop.
I'm taking a bit of time to myself this week, recovering. I'm trying to let myself relax a little bit. To enjoy watching a movie. Not knitting while half-watching, mostly listening to a movie. To talk with H.M. about something other than the list of things I have to do before I can go to bed. To spend time cooking again, not just making food to have something to eat.
To find balance again.
k

shorter days again.

2009-09-14T12:27:00.003-04:00

much has been keeping me busy lately, with preparing for second storie's upcoming indie market from both sides...
as it gets a bit cooler here i will be enjoying the process of creating, warm tea in hand, hopefully being able to steal away for an autumn walk or two...

what dear sisters shall do...

2009-08-24T19:21:00.004-04:00

(sis and i have been quietly working on something together. this tiny peek is all i will give, for now.)

thirty years and counting

2009-08-21T03:43:00.003-04:00

peace amidst a whole wonderful mess of interruptions

2009-08-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

every time i sit at this ancient, slow machine my patience wanes as i check my email etc., and i can't sit long enough even to write a quick post about the fabulous soup h.m. spent 24 hours+ making, or the wonderfully crafty adventure i'm embarking on with dear old sis, or all the engaging books i'm reading that have set my internal dialogue into overdrive, or how i can't wait to finish the sweater i'm knitting out of the most luscious kid mohair, or how finally watching the movie Into the Wild has left me terribly twisted up inside, even days later, but it's okay because Mamma Mia! will be on again soon.
so my oh my.
but on this day, with this peaceful morning spent getting some work done, i seem to be in synch with the chaos and interruptions.
good day.
k

living and enjoying

2009-07-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

i've been performing some wonderful feats of escape lately... from what am i trying to get away? the answer changes daily, and the success is varied. maybe overall i'm just trying to escape from the looming sense that i want a better idea of what's going to happen than i really have.
where does this idea that i need to know how it all works out even come from? surely my logic tells me that no one knows, that we're all floundering. and if we're all in the same state of disarray, grasping for something safe, then we're all just as easily in the same perfect state of calm, sure footing abound.
there must be some comfort in this? scratch that. there is much comfort in this.
it is humans who love company, not misery. and i have loved my company of late.
k

it is so so late.. but it was a good visit.

2009-06-05T01:54:00.001-04:00

"how to embrace everything all of life?!-maybe we both just need bigger arms..."

indeed.
a good night to you (n.), and to you all.

a gift from the ants?

2009-05-31T18:00:00.004-04:00

i spent most of this day moving more of my things to and from... i'm finding myself more at home in the new place, as my favorite things are slowly making the journey. it has been lovely to watch for h.m's reaction to the new things arriving daily; a lamp or two here, a cupboard of tea there. mostly he gives me a satisfied nod and smile, recognizing that this space was lacking without my things.
a more troublesome adjustment has been with the ants who have found their way up to this fifth of floors, through the bedroom, along the living room wall and into the kitchen. and back. they have surprised (and fascinated) me in their determination, and i have surprised myself in my ruthlessness.

on a much more bizarre and heretofore unexplained note (hee hee. note), a fifty dollar bill appeared on our bedroom floor last night. neither h.m. nor i can remember the last time we even had a fifty dollar bill, let alone one that would have gone un-missed to then turn up now, completely out of nowhere. it is mystery that has sparked guy ritchie-esque schemes in my imagination, with hookers, maitre d's, and money hidden in drop-ceiling tiles... though as a believer in accam's razor, i should be more convinced that it was left as a peace offering from the ants.
i will take it as such, and terminate the poisoning.
and tonight, h.m. and i will enjoy the dinner-and-movie date that is long overdue... with our new $50.
k

good grey mornings

2009-05-27T10:01:00.004-04:00

the earthy smell coming off the river this morning mixed with the traffic exhaust and overcast skies brings me straight back to the many field trips of my school days... i can virtually smell the rubber and vinyl of the school bus mixing with the smell of "the city". galleries, museums, institutions. or a tug-boat ride down the erie canal, perhaps? low bridge, everybody down.
the act of moving has brought about the ritual cleansing; the overwhelming and gratifying process of evaluating my Stuff, donating what i don't need, re-organizing the rest. i am able to take my time and therefore enjoy the process a bit. (but, the surface has merely been scratched; let's hope the enjoyment remains to the end). i need this. i have much to let go of. i know i am not alone.
this new space is truly lovely. the old dirty brick warehouses that surround me are comfortable and cozy and the river beckons for a walk. this will soon be home, and i am looking forward to sharing the process.
k.

away a while

2009-05-26T09:58:00.004-04:00

i have gotten lost amidst a whirlwind of change, of new things, of saying goodbye to old things... of just living life, i suppose. maybe soon i will carry on a bit more about this detail or that, but today i want just to clean these cobwebs away, to rid myself of that subtle itch of a non-existent hair across my arm.

and to share some of the delight i've been taking in the bounty of fresh produce. a lovely, solitary breakfast of blueberries with vanilla yogurt and grape nuts. a hearty dinner of potato and celery soup, shared with great company. the dust storm has not settled, but but i am finding moments of peace.
soon, k.

perfection

2009-04-01T16:10:00.004-04:00

i gave myself a small bit of my afternoon to get lost in blogland...
my favorite find is yoran morvant's newest line at ashes and milk.

a simple sneeze, a simple bid of good health...

2009-03-06T22:43:00.008-05:00

for two solid months, i have been in pain. it started as an annoyance that gave me the perspective to rethink my movements. it progressed to a constant debilitating presence that kept me uncharacteristically inactive. it's latest stage has left me always on the verge of tears, filled with more worry than i will admit to anyone, at the very edge of patience. and this is speaking not a thing of the physicality of such endured agony. no break. no relief. no rest. no end. no life.
i sneezed.
i broke.
i thought my spine cracked. it was blinding, splitting, almost paralyzing.
the next day i was able.
to walk, leap, dance, live, exist... like normal.
i am still able.
and so i shall remain.
k
(above is a lovely gift from a patient sister. see more lovelies here. i am grateful.)

a slow morning with rumpled sheets

2009-03-01T13:01:00.005-05:00

finally time together.
a bit of radio. a bit of laughter. a bit of breakfast.
a perfect beginning.

filled to the brim with tea

2009-02-26T09:31:00.004-05:00

i was happy yesterday to visit with my dear friend who knew exactly what i needed... warm brownies, warm tea, warm ollie kisses, and warm friendship. delightfully cheery daffodils were a pleasant surprise.
thank you, shanna.
k.

the night of escape.

2009-02-20T23:23:00.007-05:00

i am looking forward to watching the academy awards this evening. it is a guilty pleasure to watch the pomp and circumstance of it all. i'll be donning my most comfortable pajamas for the affair, while snacking on a super-addicting homemade version of kettle corn:

1/3c unpopped popcorn
4tbsp canola (or whatever) oil
1tsp vanilla extract
~2 tbsp sugar (for the sweeter tooth, a little more won't hurt)
in a heavy saucepot (or stovetop popcorn cooker) mix all ingredients and cook, covered, over medium heat until popcorn is popped, stirring, or swirling, regularly. immediately pour onto a cookie sheet to sprinkle with salt, and cool. in a few minutes it'll be cool enough to break up and enjoy.

i hope you enjoy the escape to hollywood as well...
k

soldier on, soldier on

2009-02-20T21:13:00.003-05:00

thank you. i wrote the last post with a head less level than usual. i fear i've worried a few friends more than this condition warrants. i'm fixable. but frustrated. (though, i feel that the simple act of venting a little has let me now return to a calmer place. this calmness could also be attributed to the hesitant success of the new medicine, which is keeping the swelling, and thusly the pain, at a tolerable level. time, two weeks perhaps, will tell).

after a late dinner of hearty, wintry greens with mushrooms and pasta, i'm full, settled, and trying to keep an upwards and forwards facing head. h.m. will be finally home. for good. in a few days. i'm looking forward to getting to know us together again, anew; he's been away a while.
i, too, have been getting to know well a noble beast, among other animal collective... new music is a tea warm and soothing to my cool, wintered self.
i am usually very antsy for the coming spring by now, and if i give in to the distant thoughts of the smell of warm air, the fresh earthy green stems poking out of the ground, and the chilly, blanket-wrapped evenings on a porch, i will surely be pining... but, one look outside tonight at the beautiful fresh snowfall, i am back to a contented end of winter. i'm enjoying this still.

a happy weekend to you all.
k.

too many two weeks...

2009-02-18T10:23:00.004-05:00

photos courtesy of wikipedia

i'm trying to maintain a respectable, mature level of patience. i'm trying to find some comfort with an uncomfortable body. i'm trying to not get my hopes up with each doctor's visit. each time, i'm told to try ____* and come back in two weeks. i'm beginning to wonder if i'm effectively expressing just how debilitating this is; i don't get the impression my doctors are taking me seriously. i'm in tears each night, from sheer frustration and pain. but, it's not life-threatening (just quality-of-life-threatening.), so two more weeks it is.

the health care industry is in existence for one reason (admittedly with many others underlying), and that is to help people. was i naively optimistic in thinking that this would supercede the insurance red tape, the fear of committing to the wrong diagnosis, and the appearance of indifference?
it is so hard for me to have such cynicism, but i know it's born of frustration, and is quite temporary. perhaps it will be gone in two weeks.

k.

*first it was an NSAID and physical therapy. now it's a steriod and more physical therapy.

my kindered art spirit

2009-02-17T19:40:00.005-05:00

top photos by: David Stewart
bottom photo by: Rose DiSalvo

my wonderfully good friend, nick (the beautifully backlit boy above) puts on operas. i'm astounded by their talent. and their ability to take a room, a parachute, and a spectacular group of musicians, and put on a humblingly-incredible show.
in about a month, opera cabal will be having a benefit. i cannot wait to go to a swanky manhattan high-rise apartment for what is sure to be a great party. nick tells epic tales of these parties. (which is actually more telling of nick than of these parties.) they will be hosting an auction of various arty goods and services, among them a new knit clutch i've been thinking about. hopefully.
i'm looking forward to a long weekend in new york... i will surely be able to walk around and enjoy the city a bit. it's been far far too long since i've been.

(i have high hopes for tomorrow.) a happy day to you all.
k

against my better judgement (and that of those who know)

2009-02-12T16:12:00.003-05:00

i should not have gone into work; it all could've waited until tomorrow.
(but i did and now tomorrow might be a little less.)
i should not have gone to the shoe store; i knew i'd have better luck online.
(but i did and now i know what size to order.)
i should not have baked cookies; i don't really care about valentine's day.
(but i did and now i have a delicious treat to bring h.m. when i visit on saturday.)
i should have sat down today; i know my body needs to rest.
(but i didn't and now my body is allowing no more.)

a day

2009-02-08T13:53:00.001-05:00

he naps. i clean.
i type. he naps.
he naps. i nap.

happy sunday!
k

maintaining

2009-02-01T13:34:00.004-05:00

today i've been spending some time maintaining this online space of mine, and catching up on some of my regular reads that i've been missing lately. i've also discovered a few new ones that i'm very excited to keep up with.
it is a warm day (yes, i do consider 41º warm right now), and the ice is dripping in the most meditative of patterns...

i am not a football fan, and know very little about the game, but i, too, along with so many, will be watching the superbowl this evening, gorging on too many snacks and dips... enjoy!
k
ps. a SUPER big thanks to emily shearing for writing a such a great article about second storie. it ran in this past saturday's democrat and chronicle, and we're touched by her kind words.

winter continues

2009-01-29T10:11:00.008-05:00

it has been a pretty average week, with little of note happening. the stormy, snowy weather of rochester in january has kept me inside and cozy.

i made this bag on sunday afternoon. i'm shocked that a gal with little sewing experience and no clue what she's doing could pull this off so successfully. i love love love it!
i then stole away to buffalo for a perfectly uneventful evening with h.m. i've been to visit him there more than a few times now over the past few months and i've really enjoyed the solitary, hour drive. peaceful and quiet. (and the bed in his hotel is SUPER comfortable. i sleep like a rock.)
today i'm looking forward to making (and eating) delectable chocolate peanut butter cupcakes for my brother-in-law's 35th birthday. with a hearty corn chowder for dinner and then a few snacks with second storie, i will surely go to sleep warm, full, and happy tonight.
next week is shaping up to be a little more eventful, with the beautiful losers evening on thursday, and then my friend's clothing swap party (brilliant!) on saturday... i'm looking forward to some new friends and some new clothes.

another week

2009-01-22T14:36:00.003-05:00

i've wanted to make this blog more than a once-a-week place for me, but i seem to let too many other things grab my attention first...
{this week it's been a few pieces for some new and on-the-way babies. above is my favorite (so far), the sunday brunch jacket, knit with the baby cashmere merino silk blend, and corresponding pattern from my new favorite, and aptly-named yarn company, sublime.}
...i like this space. i like the way it feels to share when i otherwise wouldn't. i like the intimacy i feel with others i've never met. i haven't been here long, but i enjoy this cozy niche... i hope to be here more.
k.

{on a sidenote i discovered this morning that this little buster is a huge fan of bob ross! he spent 30 full minutes captivated by the man's gentle voice and soothing brush strokes... i've never seen him so peacefully at attention.
happy painting, and god bless...}

mid-winter seclusion

2009-01-15T12:34:00.005-05:00

i've been in the midst of my typical winter behavior. i take my hibernation very seriously. i've been quite busy and productive, though, if not a little absent.
a dear old friend has just started grad school (hooray!) and i've taken a once-a-week spot watching her 2 year old daughter... this little maddy leaves me in giggles and in awe.
a few small knitting projects have my hands occupied, and i'm very excited for the finished products... maybe more to come on these in a day or two.
throughout my work day i've been trying to find my way with new responsibilites. it's been a challenge, and hopefully it's one in which i'm able to find comfort. some newly-more-severe back pain keeps me hyper-aware of how i move and what my limits are. it isn't easy for me to ask for help, especially with such simple asks as taking out the garbage, but immobility after doing it myself is an absurd consquence of stubborness.
i look forward each day to the late-night phone calls from my dear h.m. who's been working out of town for way too long. i am patient for the day when he comes back for more than one night every now and then.
otherwise, i am taking things slow and easy. it feels great. (although, i must admit, it also feels a little, just a little, empty... somewhat reminiscent of winter break home from college... boredom from no deadlines.)

stay warm and happy.
i will do the same.
karen

goodbye | hello

2009-01-01T12:44:00.003-05:00

a happy new year to all!

as i say goodbye to a pretty amazing year, i cannot help but look forward to another amazing year, full of possibilities and so, so many wonderful things...
i'm not usually one to make resolutions, but i find i'm more and more burdened with the parts of myself that i easily neglect... so.
i resolve to spend more time with people i like.
and i resolve to treat food (and subsequently myself) with more respect.

we shall see what comes... for now, i'm looking forward to an afternoon with a dear old friend, some hot tea, and some leftover birthday cake

coconuts and snow

2008-12-12T22:46:00.004-05:00

i'm not sure i'm in the holiday spirit quite yet, but the snow outside helps. it has been so beautiful. even as i type the flakes are fluttering about in the light from the street lamp outside my window.
what also helps is attending my friend's annual holiday cookie party tomorrow night. i'm excited to catch up with a few old friends, and to fill up on tasty treats. i'll be bringing coconut dream bars, a super easy recipe i nabbed from the martha stewart show. after making these and loving them, amy scherber's the sweeter side of amy's bread is now on my christmas list. the sweeter side of karen.
happy baking to you all.
k

cold outside, warm inside

2008-12-07T13:36:00.003-05:00

it is cold and blustery today, today being what feels like my first free, really free day in months. accomplishing a few gratifying chores this morning(like putting flannel sheets on my bed, an event i usually enjoy a little later in the season...) has left my afternoon free to get lost in the meditation of knitting the set christmas stockings i promised to my parents would be ready to hang on their mantle this year... i have two and a half finished, and two and a half to go... i've put this project off for a while, not able to get my mind in the right spot to work out the details of each, slightly different cabled stocking. but as i sat down to work on mike's this morning, i easily fell into the rhythm again, remembering how much i do love knitting these.
my mind is still elsewhere, but i can't deny that 'tis indeed the season.
k
(last night i watched the unexpectedly heartwarming film, be kind rewind. it's clever, left my eyes a bit teary, and will make you fall head over heels for mos def, if you're not already.)

second storie} indie market 2008

2008-12-02T19:27:00.003-05:00

having spent so long preparing for our second storie} indie market, i'm a little sad now that it's over... sad in the most relieving, fantastic, and peaceful way.
i am still in recovery mode. i spent yesterday intermittently napping, a luxury i can rarely allow myself... today feels new and open... happy!
i have so many things i want to say... but for now, i'm content with a few photos, a couple of bags full of wonderful art and craft i was able to buy/trade for, and some fantastic new friends.
i can't wait to share more. until then, a huge thanks to our vendors, our sponsors, our shoppers, and especially our boyfriends and husbands and friends who've been patiently putting up with the chaos!

finding more than time

2008-11-10T22:54:00.005-05:00

i find it very easy to push aside my knitting for what intends to be a short time while i work on the more pressing tasks of any given day, knowing that at the very least i can squeeze a few rows in during charlie rose before i go to sleep. but too often even that feels labored and forced for fear of guilt...
this is not right. i do not knit to not feel guilty for not knitting. i knit because i love the process. i love the making. i love the pattern. i love the knitting. it is mathematical and it is creative. it is what i am made for.
yet i push it aside with little hesitation. i easily take it for granted that i can push hold on this and be able to un-hold again later, picking right up where i've left it.
but it rarely works this smoothly.
i know i am not the only one who struggles with this balance. the ever-shifting fulcrum plagues us many. yet i feel so naked when my humanity shows.
k

oh holy trinity

2008-11-09T16:46:00.005-05:00

i have a new-found love for the trinity stitch. the knitting of it is rhythmic and divine.
paired with sublime's organic merino wool, i can truly say that this is why i carry on.

yes we can!

2008-11-09T12:44:00.002-05:00

this has been a week. of. i'm not sure i even have the right words for what this week has meant to me, to my friends, to my country. i have renewed faith in my homeland, and i feel weight lifting from my shoulders and from my heart. this weight, now, is proudly and ambitiously upon the shoulders of a capable leader. for the first time in many years (say, eight or so?) i feel the direct connection between my daily life, my personal turmoil and triumph, and the grander happenings of my government and my country. i've missed this connection. it feels right again.

maintaining intelligent optimism

2008-10-24T09:54:00.003-04:00

i have been, as many, distracted so much by politics lately. more than the incessant campaign coverage, though, i've been delving into the econimic 'crisis' with heavy shoulders. i've long had a bad taste in my mouth over our bizarre economic system thriving on greed and solitary conquests. yet, i am a consumer. i have loans that i pay, i have a credit card, i am a part of what drives this economy... for better or, as it is now, for worse.
i was very taken with the jurriaan kamp's words in the latest issue of ode magazine:

"It’s interesting—and scary—to note how much creativity and intelligence has gone into making money with money instead of making money with new, meaningful goods and services. Maybe history will record the present bubble as the ultimate example of what greed may ruin."

there is hope. there is always hope. i'm just a little sad to see it buried so deeply in words that are usually brimming with it. i suppose that is just another testament to the 'worse' of it all.
k

stealing a little time for love...

2008-10-20T20:29:00.003-04:00

the day started with my perfectly full and warm mug of coffee slipping out of my hands and onto the carpet and a string of curse words slipping out of my mouth and into the air.
so i took a long walk and focused on my footsteps as they mingled with the fallen leaves.
back at home, i was determined to make good use of the recently-picked apples, so i baked a pie. i overworked the crust, and it's a little tough.
in the midst of the day, the lovely begbie charmed me a little.
this evening i'm trying my hardest to feel cozy at this computer for a bit more work...
k

up and down, up and down

2008-10-19T18:01:00.004-04:00

the family went apple picking today, and it was a perfect, perfect day for it... but for the apples being heavily damaged from what i can only assume was early-season hail. our bounty is, though, fair enough for a pie or two. i shall soon be digging for my grandmother's pie crust recipe that i have not quite memorized yet. perhaps tomorrow?
this evening, however, i am dedicating ravelry. i was told about it from an unlikely source as i sat at the swfm a few months ago, and as with most social-networking sites, i've little interest. so, for months i've been on ravelry, but have 0 friends, 0 projects, 0 favorites... you get the idea. but now, i find that's just silly... why am i so disinterested in a whole network of people like me, who've knitting on the brain all the time. (all the time, indeed. as i write i'm fading away and considering blowing off ravelry and curling up to gain some headway on a project or two).
we shall see. for now, an empty stomach beckons, and i have just the thing to fill it...
k

indeed, a good morning.

2008-10-14T09:06:00.002-04:00

i don't have many words this morning. things are just as they should be. the crunching of the dry leaves underfoot, the clear sunny skies and warm air... i will not soon forget this feeling.
even as i search through bins of wool and evaluate their warmth as mittens in the cold of the coming winter, my mind is replaying golden leaves rain down as the sun warms our faces...
k.

a project just for me...

2008-10-06T16:29:00.005-04:00

i hoard things... knitting things, to be more relevant. i hoard yarn that wonderful people have given me as gifts (one of my favorites is a beautiful auburn wool shorn from an australian alpaca named daniella. tra la la la la...). along with this yarn starsh, i've found that i also hoard ideas and patterns... and, tada, the two hoards go so well together! i, though, rarely allow myself to spend time knitting for myself, even a pair of socks... how quickly these gifts and ideas turn into dusty yarn skeins and chilly toes.
for at least a year i have been looking at this gorgeous little ball of oatmeal-grey wool my sister picked up for me somewhere in her travels... small, precious, and wanton of a purpose, i've dedicated this ball to a simple pair of fingerless mittens... and if i time myself well, i'll have them to wear to the market thursday as i sew more carrots with shanna in the beautiful autumn afternoon. i'm very happy to give myself this small gift...
i surely will still be devoting much of my time to second storie, and to a friend's walls that need paint (just in time for her housewarming party saturday night!), and to the debate tomorrow night, and surely to this new boy of mine, and to music sharing with a new friend...
yikes, will i actually have time to knit this project just for me? maybe i should stop the writing and start the working...

a cozy romance...

2008-09-23T20:05:00.006-04:00

it may seem from my previous post that i've been off on romantic adventures, galavanting through dewy meadows and taking afternoon horseback rides along the beach... oh, the romance of romance.
ahh, but no... i've been diligently knitting 'til my wrists ache. knitting, taking it apart, reworking a problem, taking it out, thoughtfully coming to a solution, re-knitting, and in the end hopefully pairing the function well with the style.
it is with this that i am in love. it is with this process that i galavant and get lost in thought... i so enjoy the making more than the made, and knitting couldn't be more forgiving... i truly am in love.

this new project was a commissioned bag. my time with it was short, and sadly rushed, so i've no pictures of the finished product (the handles were sewn on around 3am, and by 10.30am it was being whisked away to brighten a friend's birthday.) but i've got the handbag bug again and am very excited to play with the design...

i hope to have a few for sale at the second storie} indie market in november. i'm VERY excited for the new work i have in mind for the event... it's such a lovely time of year for knitting inspiration!
and i'm VERY excited for our event! it's going to be rockin' and perfect! more posting on that will surely come as it is consuming my very being right now... until then, you'll find all the details here.

up up and away...

2008-09-14T23:05:00.003-04:00

my head is in the clouds of late. i've been wonderfully distracted. by a boy. i feel like a school girl who is covering her notebook margins with doodles of hearts. i am smitten.
i have been working on a wonderful new knitting project that is just monotonous enough to let my mind wander away a little (while still staying on task, as the deadline is fast-approaching).
my head indeed is in the clouds, but i've attached a string, so i will hopefully be pulled back down again soon... in the meantime, i'm thoroughly enjoying the view from way up here.
k.

a slow and perfect sunday

2008-09-01T21:17:00.004-04:00

today the cloudless sky beckoned.

waiting for my tea to cool.

2008-08-25T23:00:00.002-04:00

on this beautifully cool evening, i look forward to warming myself down to my toes with a cup of peppermint tea and some freshly-baked sugar cookies... it is lovely indeed to be enjoying this treat with the sound of crickets and frogs still ringing loudly through the summer night. it is my favorite time of year to say the least, and this night is begging for reminiscence.

when i turned 28, my dear friend took me out for dessert and stood beside me patiently as i nursed a prematurely-wounded heart (it did take a little longer than the one night). it was a nonplussed celebration.
following was a wonderful whirlwind of second storie, of new friends, more new friends (who've added beautifully to my art collection!), new strength, and new hope... and yes, more new friends.
when i just turned 29, my same dear friend who rescued me from 28 (with beautiful help this time) gathered together the amazing group of friends i am so honored to know. it was a sublime (and surprise) celebration.
perfectly parenthetical birthdays... filled with love and pride.

what, oh what, will these coming twelve months hold? i am brimming with excitement if not words!!
karen

best birthday since '82!!!!

2008-08-21T23:45:00.000-04:00

i spent the morning with a purring cat on my lap and knitting needles in my hands. i spent the afternoon outside on the most perfect day our summer has seen; a warm breeze on my face, and the sun casting beautiful shadows. i spent my evening in the surprise company of friends new and old.
the day was all right in every way.

scallion love

2008-08-11T00:42:00.003-04:00

just a quick peek at what i've been working on lately. the full garden of market vegetables will be harvested in time for my afternoon at the south wedge farmer's market on august 21st, but for now, i'm too in love with these scallions not to share them.
i'd been getting a little bored lately with my knitting, and and i needed a quick addition to the line to help push me along. these were perfect. with full encouragement from someone very special as i vocally thought out the pattern, and in perfect company as i actually took the yarn to the needles, i'm happy and interested again. i'll be making one last push in the next week or so to finish the rest of the veggies before the market, but it'll be at a comfortable pace.
i can't wait to see how this project finishes, and i really can't wait to work on some new projects i've had rolling around in my head for a while. more on that when the time comes...

k

lightning storms from a tim horton's parking lot

2008-08-01T01:45:00.003-04:00

my wonderful friend nick is in town and i'm thrilled. no one else could get me (happily) to a tim horton's in the middle of the night ("i have a coupon!"), and with no one else would i just happen upon a breathtaking lightning storm.
six years ago we similarly happened upon lake ontario in the middle of the night, on a boredom-drive. pulling off to the shore, we watched for hours the lightning in the distance, wondering if it really was lightning we were watching. the next morning the paper reported the uncommon sightings of the northern lights from the shores of lake ontario.
sitting on the curb of the tim horton's parking lot watching the electric sky, we both fondly (and uncharacteristically) reminisced to that long-ago night...
i will miss nick in a few days, as he moves on in his usual fashion, but am looking forward to an autumn train ride down to visit him in new york city.

timing... holy cow.

2008-07-23T22:24:00.006-04:00

"each of us carries our own clock, our own monitor of the passage of time. each clock is equally precise, yet when we move relative to one another, these clocks do not agree. they fall out of synchronization; they measure different amounts of elapsed time between two chosen events."

brian greene, the fabric of the cosmos

in the context of physics, this statement is pretty profound (or at least the idea behind it was pretty profound when einstein proposed it in 1915). in the context of life outside of the scientific preoccupation, this statement loses no profundity. we each have our own individual paths and timelines... and when we're lucky, they'll synch up with another's in beautiful, elegant ways. i don't believe in "fate," i don't think things are "meant to be." i believe in timing, in how powerful synchronization can be when it's realized.
coincidence leaves my jaw on the ground. with over 6 billion people on this earth, each with their own agenda, each realizing one of innumerable possible outcomes of any given moment, it amazes me when our outcomes entwine themselves with eachother's... against all of the odds, our paths will simply and unexpectedly cross with another's and for a moment of moments we'll be in synch and in perfect harmony. beautifully.

karen

-the most perfect sidenote: earlier today i read the passage i quoted above. i, obviously, was quite taken. i've been thinking about it all day and planned to post about it this evening. as i was image-searching for "timing" and "clocks" i stumbled upon the photo above, which linked to a blog by tam rice. there is rarely a more profound elegance than me reading her words as i prepared this post...

a sort of homecoming...

2008-07-21T14:33:00.000-04:00

as the soothing sound and smell of the mid-afternoon rainstorm blows into my window, i'm feeling more and more at home. i've given myself a rigorous schedule today, forcing myself back to work on a project i've been avoiding for weeks, organizing my thoughts for upcoming second storie events, filling my kitchen with fresh and lovely food, and overall climbing out of the self-induced, uninspired funk i've been in. it finally feels good to be back. my recent week in the woods has left me in an unexpected state of sadness (maybe more on that soon?), and the transition home has been slow.
as the rain outside is letting up, so too are my dampened spirits.
i'm off to write a letter to a friend i miss dearly. and on that note, i must add praises for a wonderful little office supply company who have recently provided me with fresh, blackest of black typewriter ribbons. they are beacons of hope in the dying markets of typewriter supplies and good customer service. they were a true joy to do business with.

mourning absences

2008-07-19T22:11:00.013-04:00

i've just returned, smelling of bug spray and campfires, from a week in the adirondack woods. my clothes have been laundered, my pack has been returned to the closet, and the dirt from my feet has been washed down the drain. though my physical body has quickly acclimated itself to its normal routines and comforts, my head
and my heart remain distant and burdened.

i'm struggling for more, but its absent.
k

sun up, sun down

2008-07-07T23:46:00.003-04:00

there will be no full-circle eloquence to this post; i am too spent for that tonight. this day has dragged me throught the mud and has tested my emotional limits. i have just simple thanks.
i got onto this computer of mine tonight to lay some things to rest before i lay myself to rest. as heavy as my shoulders are, and as droopy as my eyelids are, my heart is happy again.
as easy as it is to let another person dramatically alter your day for the worse, as i did today, it's so much easier to let yourself be swept into a peaceful calm by the unexpected and kind words of friends.
megan, i'm glad for your adventurous journey here, too.
and shanna, i suppose there is a certain full-circle eloquence afterall... thanks for being there this morning, and especially thanks for being there this evening.
i will dream well.
k

there is change. there is life.

2008-06-28T21:27:00.004-04:00

i have spent my past week amid changes... they are subtle and significant, the most ponderous kind.

change is lately such a common word (especially when our next president is campainging on it) that i often lose sight of it's impact. we are ever-changing in so many, so many ways. our universe is continually expanding at an unfathomably-rapid rate. earth is in a constant state of movement, of evolution as we hurl on through time. our physical bodies are in a constant fluctuation, always processing, digesting, surviving in such elegant, coordinated systems. and then our minds... our selves. each situation brings a new realm of knowledge previously un-existing to us. each moment our minds have changed, even if from the simple act of processing the previous moment. change is, in so many ways, synonymous with life.
taking this all for granted, these constantly changing selves and worlds, i'll feel a monotonous drone as i too-often find that an entire week has gone by without my conscious presence. one week. the entire lifespan of most moths, and i'll have spent that prescious time on auto-pilot. wakeless. changeless
but this week... this week has been a present one. a changing one. i've regained a long-missing awareness of my physical body and its beautiful systems. i'll treat them right, they'll treat me right. i've found myself more internally aware of my places in my life, and my happiness or unhappiness with them.
where there is unhappiness there is change. and where there is awareness and acceptance of change, there is happiness. there is life.

good words, strong words

2008-06-25T21:02:00.001-04:00

dear brothers and sisters,
dear enemies and friends,

why are we all so alone here
all we need is a little more hope, a little more joy
all we need is a little more light, a little less weight, a little more freedom.
if we were an army, and if we believed that we were an army
and we believed that everyone was scared like little lost children in their grown up clothes and poses
so we ended up alone here floating through long wasted days, or great tribulations.
while everything felt wrong
good words, strong words, words that could've moved mountains
words that no one ever said
we were all waiting to hear those words and no one ever said them
and the tactics never hatched
and the plans were never mapped
and we all learned not to believe
and strange lonesome monsters loafed through the hills wondering why
and it is best to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wonder why
so tangle - oh tangle us up in bright red ribbons!
let's have a parade
it's been so long since we had a parade, so let's have a parade!
let's invite all our friends
and all our friends' friends!
let's promenade down the boulevards with terrific pride and light in our eyes
twelve feet tall and staggering
sick with joy with the angels there and light in our eyes
brothers and sisters, hope still waits in the wings like a bitter spinster
impatient, lonely and shivering, waiting to build her glorious fires
it's because of our plans man; our beautiful ridiculous plans
let's launch them like careening jetplanes
let's crash all our planes in the river
let's build strange and radiant machines at this jericho waiting to fall.

~from 'built then burnt' by thee silver mt zion orchestra and tra la la band

the beauty of a palindromic acronym

2008-06-23T23:12:00.005-04:00

i have a crush, oh boy, do i have a crush. who he is is fairly insignificant and he shall be known only as m.m.o.m.m (mystery.man.of.my.mind). but, man oh man is he of my mind... our paths have crossed once or twice, and surely will again, and until then, he will randomly stumble through my thoughts as i stumble through my day.
i'm fairly certain he, like most, is currently with another, alas, but what is a crush but a harmless romp into the realm of hopes and standards that are never to be met with real possibilty, for it is that meeting that is the end of the crush and too often the beginning of disappointment.
aahh, but for now, i'm miles away from that disappointment. for now i'll camp out where i can doodle little hearts in the margins and daydream about our next encounter.

summer is abound

2008-06-20T21:17:00.009-04:00

there is summer on the calendar, there is summer in the air, and there is summer in the hearts of my loved ones... big things are on the verge, but the laid back afternoons are happily the priority.
i'm always amazed at how, with the shifting of the seasons, there too is a shifting of our selves, our moods, our desires. the frantic energy of spring has dulled slightly and is now settling into a peace and a happiness that we can all wrap ourselves in. there is a comfort in the air, in the warmth, even in the word itself. summer.
my arms are wide with welcome.
as i'm coming out of a too-long slumber of emotion and creativity, i'm opening my eyes to that fact that my slumber was not a lone one, regardless of how often it felt so. the wakening of my friends' spirits is as joyous to me as my own. for some i'm watching from the sidelines with a proud smile, and with others i couldn't feel more intertwined. but we are all feeling it.
big things are indeed on the verge, and i'm happy to not be anxious for them. in due time, as with all.
for now i have my begbie and my books. i have my wine and my will shortz.
and i have my summer and my friends.
k

i've been given a little push.

2008-06-18T23:13:00.005-04:00

i resisted this for a long time. i've held this world at arm's length and am still a little trepidatious about it, but why dip your toe when you can jump in, full-bodied.
there is a lot to share, to learn, to meet... there is a lot.
our zen brothers and sisters tell us that we have 'enough' always 'enough' yet i'm now entering the sea of 'more' always 'more'.
it will be fun to let myself drift for a while...
thanks to all who've unknowingly helped get me where i am, which is here.
karen